"It does not due to dwell on dreams Harry.....and forget to live" [entries|friends|calendar] Sarah [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

the last one [23 Jan 2006|11:16am] its for sure. this is my last journal entry. its just endless drama that i cant stand. so this is my final entry. here is am update on my life: 30 pounds have been lost and i would like to get 20 more off my fat ass (LOL). School is going again and i am really enjoying my classes. i have Shakespeare Plays, Human Sexuality, Computer class, Humanities and a film class. and i thought my film class was going to suck major ass but all we do every class period is watch a movie. last class we watched Moulin Rouge. michael and i are still together. he got his lip busted open on saturday while out playing frizbee golf. valentines day is coming and i have no money to get michael anything. so i am going to just have to make something up and im pretty good at that. he says he is getting me stuff. i know it sounds really girly but im allowed to be that way with my boyfriend. i really hope he gets me a promise ring. i saw a perfect one at James Avery it was a heart knot. and only like $25 not too bad. anyway. family shit is still going on. my great grand-ma is pretty much on her death bed. she refuses to go to the nursing home (not that i blame her) so they had to put a hospital bed in her living room. she is 94 and its just her time. thats what the doc. told my grandfather. speaking of grandparents. mine suck. they have givin me so much and i am so thankful but i realize now that they not only were trying to make up for how they treated my mom and aunt but they were also blinding marla and i from knowing who they really are. my grandfather is a jerk who cares only for himself and living his "high" life. and my grandmother is a pill poping drunk. i know i know thats horrible to say but the truth hurts. and its not like they will ever know i said that anyway. but i swear that they are just not the people i thought they were. and they want to take me on my 21st birthday trip B4 my 21st birthday OKay whats the point in that. and i dont even want to go on a trip with them ever again. ever and i mean it. over the break marla and i worked for my grandfather and lets just say we both agreed that we are NEVER doing that again ever. i wont marla might cave if shes living here but i wont. its really sad i dont want marla to move away after she graduates in may (but its like for sure, i am really going to miss her but i cant help but be a little happy because this means that i dont have to talk/see/or go to plays with my grandparents ever again! YAY! i mean i might have to talk to them now and then, but not as much and thats really great. there are these certain people in my life that make everything so difficult and they are two of them. it really sucks because i realized the other day that i have pushed all the girlfriends i have made this past year out of my life. michelle was the best girl friend i have ever had and because of rumors we stopped talking- i mean how stupid is that. i am just not open to making friends alot of the time because i have been chewed up and spit out by many of my past "so called" friends. anyway i am going ot called her this week and we are going to hang out. and i can not wait. well i must be off i have crap loads of stuff to do! if you would like to stay in contact with me i am totally up for that email is ohmoveover@yahoo.com just email me wit your addy or comment with it. im going to miss you guys! peace out!

shut down [06 Dec 2005|02:17pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Love is all Around ] I think that its time that i shut this down. i dont feel like i ever update enough. anyway. im thinking about it. i know that it has been forever so im jsut going to start where ever. this week has been so fucking insane. its like finals/papers/projects due time. and evey teacher is liek OH SHIT school is almost out i have to give them work! fuck teachers. anyway on sunday i was up to all hours finishing my history of the christian church paper and my english paper. got them both done with time to sleep. i should not have gone to sleep. i slept straight through my history class and almost my english. i literally had to RUN and i mean RUN to class so i could do my speech! then after that class i ran up to my history teachers office to give that fucking prick my paper and he wasnt there so i just put it under his door. RELIEF! right? NO! i still have a test friday (not as worried about that one), i have to do my portfolio, and then my history test on monday (HATE IT! grr) i mean the highest grade on a test i have gotten in that class is a 72 and not because im stupid but because hes not a nice man. on his reviews it says something like "know about the papal schism...know about thomas becket..." know? know WHAT! you have to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING because you dont know what he is going to have as an essay or what. grr he drives me crazy. o'well i just have to remember its almost over. i saw RENT and OMG OMG OMG it was go great. the original broadway cast (except, joanne and mimi) i am so in love with MARK! he looks like my boyfriend MICHAEL! HAHAHA. red hair..it just gives my chills. lol. my mom and i were singing the like entire show!!! it was great. i love Rent it is by far on my top 5 musical list. i just love it! as you know, or i think i have said something about it. about 2 1/2 - 3 months ago i started working out and eating right trying to get in shape and feel good about myself and fellas i have lost OVER repeat OVER 20 pounds. i know i know. i am doing this work out video by Leslie Sansone her system is called 'Walk off the Weight' and she has like a crap load of videos but anyway. i have already lost 20 pounds in such a small amount of time. i am hoping that if i keep this up i can lose more and get to were i want to be by the summer! so i can wear a 2 piece bikini in public and not feel gross. i can go to Wet n Wild and just have on my swimsuit!!! i just havent felt like i could do that for years. :) anyway. i am going to my something to eat and cry while watching 'Love Actually' it always makes me cry. i cant wait for christmas!!!! yay!

BIRTHDAY DAY [21 Nov 2005|10:16am] [ mood | so freakin happy its my b-day! ] YAY today is my birthday! finally i am 20 years old yay! so on thursday michael and i went to the IMAX 6 hours early and there where already people there. it was crazy. not like alot but i thought we would be the first at least the 2nd. but we were like 5th. its all god i still got to see it in the best seats because i ran like a bat out of hell to get them and waited for 6 hours so i think i deserve that much. anyway the movie rocked my freakin socks all the freakin way off man! the whole thing was just great. i mean of course there where things that are in the book and not in the movie but that has to happen. ron is totally totally hotttt. and is so cute when he acts mad at harry. i was in tears when they fought and told each other to say away. NO!!!!! and then when hermione was like "NEXT TIME ASK ME BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES" EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK omg omg they should SOOOOOO be together!!!!!!! on friday i had to go to the doctor so i went and then headed to Kroger because i had 20 extra bucks and need food. so i get there and buy normal stuff along with baby carrots and ranch and a things of CHRISTMAS dt. coke b/c i love christmas!!! anyway i pay and stuff and leave get back to michaels and put everything away and make myself a plate of carrots with ranch. i had one and a half carrots and ran to the bathroom throwing up. i could not understand why i had felt good all day long. the michael came home and felt so bad for me he gave me my b-day gift early! YAY FOR GIFTS! anyway later that night i went to look at the carrots nad ranch just to see if maybe it could have ben that. i look at the ranch it had expired 10-15-05 and now thinking back it did taste different but it was a different brand than i usually get so i just thought it was that. so i got a mild case of food poisoning luckly it hit me fast so that i wasnt miserable for days. then on saturday michael and i played around we went to my daddys shop to get my brake light fixed then went and saw my mama for a little while. then we headed back to his house. being very excited about feeling better i wanted a CHRISTMAS diet coke. so i run (very excited, i know, its the little things though) open the door and open the box of CHRISTMAS diet cokes to find out that the Coke company are complete losers and have fill my CHRISTMAS dt. coke box is FRIGHT FEST dt. cokes. okay i know why does that bother me? WELL BECAUSE I BOUGHT THOSE CHRISTMAS DT. COKES B/C THEY WERE CHRISTMAS DAMMIT!!!! but michael and my sister both said they would get me christmas dt. coke so its all good. it was kinda disappointing. then on sunday michael and i re-arranged his place. it looks so much better its like the way they (they = him and roomates) set it up there was so room for walking and it didnt feel connected if that makes sense. anyway i fixed it. lol. then the most horrible thing happened. bitch face came home (bitch face = neysa) i dont know if i told yall this but she went out of town for like a week to help her g-ma or something. and it was like a huge party i loved it. but now shes home and of course has set this negative mood in the house. GOD I HATE THAT how one fucking stupid person can make everyone tense and in a weird mood. grrrrr. anyway, she is home and her g-ma lived. after that michael and i went to sonic and got food. i got cheese sticks OMFG so good. and i dont really know why i liked them so much. then today!!! being my brithday is going to great. i woke up to my alarm and then my aunt called and sang me happy b-day, then my mama who also sang and then my daddy who also sang HAHAHA. my sister and michael both said it too of course but there was no singing. lol. anyway i get up get dressed and then michael walks me to class and on the way i stop to get a Sprite. and I WAS A WINNER!! i won a free i liter coke product. see coke knew it did me wrong with the CHRISTMAS DT. COKE incident. so they made up for it by giving me something free YAYAY! then i went to class. got my late paper back and got a C+ not what i should have gotten but it was my own fault for it being late. i was happy he gave me that i was sure he would fail me because he is such a punk ass bitch of a teacher. jerk. then i went to english and it was great. i didnt go on friday because i was so beat from watching harry potter. but that day he gave parts out for the play we read today and if i had been there i KNOW he would have picked me b/c he knows i hate to read out loud. but i didnt have to read or anything it was so great. and now i am here waiting on michael to get out of class so we can go eat and hang out before he has to go to work. then its back here for me to work out and MAYBE do some homework. but its my birthday and tonight we are going to dinner and i have to look smokin hot. lol. i have no idea what i am going to wear or anything. i was thinking casual cowgirl. im pretty sure thats what im going to go for. anywho. peace! YAY FOR BIRTHDAYS!

OMG OMG OMG [17 Nov 2005|02:36pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | love actually ] OMG its harry potter day! YAY YAY YAY! i have my harry potter shirt on and socks! woot! i am so freaking excited michael is going to pick me up and we are going to head out to dallas to the IMAX! hell yeah! i am bringing my laptop so that we can watch the first harry potters! school was so badass today. i didnt have any haha. i went to scuba and they said that if you were not going on the trip this weekend then you didnt have to be in class. AND IM NOT! so yay! my b-day is on monday and i am so super excited i know that i am getting money from my parents and aunt i dont know about my sister, grandparents and michael. i hope my grandparents give me money! i really need it for the holidays. because if anyone is going to get a gift from me im going to need some birthday money since i am a loser with no job. i have started to read Wicked. omg i love it. i am taking it today too just incase we have time after we watch the early harry potters i dont think we will though. omg i cannot wait. i am so excited! i have like nothing else to talk about but this. shitty entry i know. lol. everyone who is going to harry potter tonight be careful and OMG HAVE FUN!

friends cut [14 Nov 2005|10:23am] [ mood | tired ] so i took off all the people who didnt comment in my journal and that leaves me with two friends. im okay with that its the truth. some people still have me as their friend and i dont have this as friends only so they can still read it if they care. last night i helped michael write papers. he also has Dr. McDonald -jerk punk ass bitch of a teacher. anyway he is super hard so i helped him as much as i could. today i have some research to do, i have 2 research papers to do and i havent even started. my spring schedule is so much better than this one: MWF- 9-9:50 - SHakespeare tradigies MW- 1-2:30- Human Sexuality Tuesday- 1-4 Film Something (its suppose to be this like really easy class) Wednesday- along with Shake and Human- 7pm-9pm Computer class Thursday- NO CLASS Friday- 9-9:50 Shakespeare AND THEN IM DONE FOR THE DAY Every other saturday 1-5 Humanities so much better. so so so so much better! omg no fucking mcdonald. mother fucker. i really do hate that man. grr. my birthday is one week away! 20 years old. its about time. me and the family are all going to texas roadhouse. it should be fun. i think my mom is going to make me ride the horse again this year. god that was funny. well im going to nap until michael gets out of class (i only got like 3 hours of sleep last night) then its off to his place then back here for hard core work out/ homework time. OMG HARRY POTTER IS SO CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

not like i thought [11 Nov 2005|03:21pm] [ mood | sore ] so i was totally super excited for winter break and i still am for part of it BUT my wisdom teeth have decided to come in (perfect time actually b/c winter break is coming and i wont miss school) its still going to suck if it happens then. and it most likely will unless they stop hurting and giving me headaches. anyway. my b-day is almost here. so weird. HARRY POTTER is also almost here omg im so excited. im going to to go barnes and noble today because i want to get a book. i want ot read 'Wicked' but marla has it and keeps forgetting to get it for me from her bf's car. so im going to go get a book written by the same guy or maybe something different. i might have to wait though till after my birthday b/c i dont know if i can really afford that right now i dont have a job so any money i get i have to be super careful. michael and i dont know what we are going to do tonight. we dont have any money. lol. we will probably doing the same thing that we do all the time. chill and watch tv. haha we live such a exciting life. so i have lost 20 pounds. YAY! i know. i just thought that when i had hit that point i would notice a lot more. i mean believe me i notice. but when you think of 20 pounds i dont know i just thought i would notice more. everyone else does. i guess when it you you see yourself everyday and you just can't tell. my grandparents are coming to my birthday thing. i asked my mom if i should invite them and she said it would be the nice thing to do and that she was okay with it, so i did. it wont be bad i picked a place where they wont drink. well they usually dont drink there but i guess you never know. i really hope they dont because i mean hell its going to be my birthday. i want to have fun ya know? is that so bad to ask that there isnt a huge family fight at my 20 birthday dinner?!?! huh? is it? i dont fucking think so. anyway. the holidays this year are so fun but i have no money. and wont. no job is going to take me on for just 3 weeks during winter break and i dont want a job for next semester yet b/c i wanted to check around campus first. not the best paying but i wont have to use gas which is a good thing. i just wish i had more money. when i do have some extra cash im going to go to the 99cent ONLY store (best fucking store ever) and get my little christmas tree for 99cents and all the decorations. it will be fun if i have to money. my place is going to look so cute! it already smells like holiday time! :) GOD time goes by so slow when you are waiting for the love of your life to get off work! dammit! lol.

best day of my life [08 Nov 2005|10:21am] [ mood | busy ] so as i told yall saturday was michael and my one year. YAY! on friday i finished his scrapbook and then waited for him to get off work and come pick me up. he was really late (compared to usual) then he got here, i ran down the steps and he is so cute! anyway he opened my door and there were flowers in my seat beautiful orange and purple flowers. then he was like "do you want half of your gift now?" and of course i said "okay!" and it was the Limited Edition CD of The Killers. i almost cried. not b/c of the band (even though their like my favorite) but b/c he already bought it for me and then when i was working at toni and guy this bitch stole it and then i finally found out who took it and i asked for it back and when she gave it to me it was all kinds of scratched up and shit. anyway it was just so super sweet that he got it for me. so that night we hung out with a few of him guys friends and i talked to my mom for like 2 hours because she really needed someone to talk to. UPDATE on the family: there is only one person who is really going to understand all of this and that just b/c she knows all of my family lol. you know who you are lol. anyway. my step brother Jeff has moved in with my mom and dad. YOU READ RIGHT! nasty, gross, pervert is living there. and the reason hes living there is b/c he slammed brittany (wife) against the wall so they are not speaking and such. crazy i know. my grandma is not (probably) not going to go to rehab. even though she needs it. my mom wrote her an email and all my grandma wrote back was that it wasnt my grandfathers fault blah blah blah. then my aunt (who is so cool) sent her own email which was way worse than my moms b/c its my aunt and thats how she is, anyway my grandmother pretty much said that she is putting this past her and moving on and that it hurts her that the people she loves the most her granddaughters and husband have had to see her like that blah blah blah. UHHHHH WHAT? are your daughters ..the ones that came out of you..that you were shitty to their whole lives....dont they mean something to you i mean something. dont I (ME SARAH) me something to her. i mean i will never go out with them again it they drink and that was in both my aunt and moms letter and she just doesnt care who she hurts and how much she rips the family apart. i just want to shake her and be like we are not saying all of this to make you mad we are trying to help you and save the family from being broken apart. but they just dont care. which is really hard for me to handle. on to even fucking better news. i have just realized that there are 3 weeks left in school THREE!! i have a protfolio to do, a 10-15 page paper for my fucking asshole teacher of church history, i have a 8-10 page research paper and a small 2 page report for english- and the thing is that i know that sounds like a lot and i know im bitching BUT i did it to myself. grr. i have filled out my thing for next semester and i have such a better set of classes and times. and i have a day off in the middle of the week. i dont have class on thursday and then on friday i have class at 9-9:50 and then im done! YAY! i just need to make it through this semester. anyway u have a shit load of stuff to do. peace! EDIT!!!!!!!!! omg i got so into what i was saying about my family i didnt finish our one year celebration. anyway. on friday i gave michael his gift and he loved it (this is at midnight of course so its really our anni. lol) then he gave me the REST of my gift and omg i never thought a guy would get me this. He got us a couple massage. it was the best thing ever. an hour massage and then after that we got our feet dipped in wax. it was the best thing ever. i was so relaxed and these people know what they are doing omg my whole body was just jello. lol. i cant believe i forgot that part. im insane.

its been forever [04 Nov 2005|09:20am] [ mood | frustrated ] its been forever since i have updated. again i am thinking of just closing this thing down and never looking at it again. but then when im about to do it i stop b/c i do like to update on my life and get comments. i only have one friend on here anymore and im so happy she still comments (you know who you are lol) but i used to have so many - then i left the face of the earth for like 8 months and now no one cares not that i blame them. my life has been pretty much the same. i have been running around like crazy trying to finish michaels one year present ( i am making him a scrapbook) anyway i did not spend one cent on it. you heard right. my mom got me the scrapbook for like 2 dollars at target and then i just had to use shit i already had b/c i have no money! our ONE YEAR is tomorrow. and its really weird b/c i have never been together with someone for that long. the longest relationship i had before this was my freshman year in high school i dated a guy for like 6 months and though i was in love and all that bull shit. lol. but its crazy b/c now i really am in love and i know i am. i mean i get upset (not like angry but kinda sad) when michael leaves for work or if we cant see each other till way later in the day. i just miss him so much. but tomorrow is going to be super great. we are going to make lunch (b/c we are both poor lol) and then michael is taking me somewhere, he wont tell me. then we are just going to spend the entire rest of the day together. no one else. we are going to lock his bedroom door and watch movies, eat horrible, play with mia ( the kitty) and just have alone time. which it feels like we never get anymore unless we come here to my place but my place doesnt have as much to do. good news! michael says he is probably going to kick  nesyas little bitch ass out of the house come winter break. she is such a HUGE bitch. and she always has a way of making any situation negative she is never happy she is always complaining and to be honest (other than the dog thing) i dont know what she is bitching about. she is going to be done with school in may and then is moving back to austin and then she is going to do some stupid thing in spain. i just dont understand why i cant get over it. like everytime i see her i want to punch her in the face. everyday there is something new that she does that gets under my skin. its either something she says to michael or something that she says out loud to "herself" which we all know its not to herself she is just s bitch. AHHHHHHHHHHH i just hate her i really do hate her. i cant even be in the same room with her. and you would think she would get the point that i dont wanna talk to her or anything. i mean i'll walk in the house and she will say hi and i hardly open my mouth and say hi back, when she talks to me i dont even look at her or listen for that matter i just stare off into to tv or wall or whatever in not her. i mean wouldnt you get that?!?!?! i sure as hell would. all of the sudden someone who used t talk to me a lot every day leaves the room when you get there and doesnt even want to talk to you. AHHH shes just a bitch. i wish you could meet her so you could understand the whole picture. in other news my grandparents took my mom adn aunt on a cruise for my granddads 70th birthday. well we all (the family) knew something was goingto go bad b/c my grandparents are drunks and my grandma is the hugest bitch when shes drinking. well to make a LONG LONG LONG LONG story short my aunt and mom are never talking to their parents again and my grandparents are not talking to them. basically my g-ma got drunk and yelled at my mom at dinner (in front of everyone and i mean everyone on the ship) and told her how bad of a mom she was (which is not true at all) and the best part is that my g-ma was so gone that she doesnt remember ANY OF IT! and im not kidding. so basically its going to get really bad once it all comes out. my mom already said we are not going to thanksgiving. and to be honest im so happy. my g-ma just brings eveyone down. she either needs to get help or is going to miss a lot of key people in her life. OH and the best thing is that my grandfather didnt say anything while she was yelling at me mom HE DIDNT EVEN DEFEND HIS OWN CHILD! and another GREAT thing he did was .. my g-ma decides that she is sleepy (remember this is all in the same night) so my grandfather gets up and they walk off THEN my aunt looks around and my grandfather has sat down at another table in the dining room and my g-ma is stumbling over and starts to yell at my mom AGAIN! so my aunt turns around and looks at HER FATHER and motions him to come back at help and he STAYED THERE and just said no. GOD! my family is crazy and breaking apart. i mean i saw this coming but i just never thought it would have to happen this way. anyway. tomorrow is like the only happy day in the past 2 weeks. my teacher is a total jerk and doesnt understand that i have 4 other classes besides his! grr i dont even wanna get into that. anyway. this has been a longer entry than i thought it would be. lol.

late - again [24 Oct 2005|12:54pm] [ mood | irritated ] I know its like im dead or something. i just never have the time to update or i just dont have anything to update about. i dont remember what my last entry was about. i think it was about california. so i start right after that. when i got back it was really hard for me to get into the swing of things. i was in a totally different world for four days. it was jsut really weird. then my body thought it would be a good idea to get sick on me. so i have been sick since i got back. i am better now, but still not perfect and as much as i love love love cold weather its not going to make me better faster. michael and i went to the big ass halloween store last week to get our costumes. i am a fairy that has been bitten by a vampire and michael is the vampire that bit me. lol. our outfits are really cute we match. his shirt has some purple on it and my wings are purple. after the costume party i will update with pictures. school sucks i am getting a fucked up grade in one of my classes. i fucking hate school and everything that comes with it! its so pointless. i feel like im a just walking around learning nothing except for the fact that i can do it i can make it through college. thats basically what college is, its a way of showing you can commit to something and do it no matter how long it takes. its not that i dont like college or that im totally against it. but i just feel that sometimes im not learning anything new. i mean every class i take i end up being dissapointed in the end because it wasnt really what i thought it was going to be. and every semester i try to pick classes that i will like and think are really interesting- they might be interesting but its never what i thought. grr. i just hate school. and i feel that if i want to get any where i have to be in it and finish. just summer school and 3 more semesters! (thats really not that bad) okay guys this next story is kind of sad: okay my boyfriend michael had 2 roomates (casey (boy) and nesya (girl)). well nesya's dads friends live right down the street from the house and they were going out of town to like Spain or something for 2 weeks and wanted someone to watch the house, watch and feed the dogs and water the plants. and they would pay her. so she said yes and they said that she could stay at the house in the guest room. they really wanted her to stay at the house because they have 4 dogs and a cat. anyway. nesya didnt stay there she would jsut go over there once mybe twice a day and check on things. well last saturday, after i saw WICKED!!!!, i got here to the house and michael told me that 3 of the dogs were missing. like an hour and a half went by. nesya storms in the house and says that they found 2 of the dogs and they both had been hit by a car, one only had a few little blood spots, other than that looked fine, but the other one had a huge chuck out of its face and its leg was all messed up. and they still could not find the other littlest dog. so nesya and mer boyfriend rush the the pet hospital (this is like at 2 in the morning) and take both dogs in to get them all fixed up and checked out. well they got there and the one with just a few drops of bllod had really bad internal stuff and died. the one with the messed up face had to have a crap load of work done and needs like 2,000 dollars more done. so they got back to the lady's house around 6 or so with the beat up dog and the neighbor came over and handed them a bag with the little dog in it. he said that he had found her but couldnt find anyone to give her too. so days pass.....................nesya comes storming into the house one after noon ( i am usually the only one at the house in the afternoon) anyway she storms in and starts to talk under her breath and yell and hit things. i just sat there b/c i just didnt want to be apart of any of it and i thought if i just didnt say anything maybe she wouldnt be mean to me (she likes to be mean to people when shes mad) so she goes into the kitchen and starts to knock off the dirty dishes on the counter and says "just helping out! it looks great around here!" and i just sit here b/c i just didnt know what to say ya know? so she talks for a minute or two about some stupid shit and i was not really listening then she goes "sara, you know you can say something to me" and i said "i dont even know what to say to you nesya" then she said "i know why michael (my boyfriend) wanted me to get a job!" and i said "what?" then she said with a really sarcastic tone "michael hated seeing me and you here all day just chillin watchin tv doing homework. and your the girlfriend so it doesnt matter if you do it. you can do anything. but im the roomate i have to go and get a job. he treats you different!" then i say "thats not how it is at all nesya- i should get a job (but i still just dont want too lol) and michael does treat me different because im his girlfriend of course he is going to treat me different than you" then she goes on and on about how michael bitches at her all the time and never says anything to me. then she went on to say how she has to pay to live there and that i dont but still get to be here. so i said "fone nesya you want me not to be here anymore fine i wont. i dont understand you" she starts to cry and says "what do you mean" i look at her like fuck you and say "ya know im real sorry about all the shit that is going on in your life right now, but eveyone has shit times its might not be about the same thing and might not last as long but everyone has been there. but i have to say that i just dont care. i care about you and that your hurting but i dont care i dont have anything to do with it. your yelling at me and i didnt fucking do anything.!" then i stand up and she is screaming something- and i thought my exit was going to be so great- but right as i stand up and start to walk i fucking hit my leg really fucking hard on the table and started to cry- after that she started crying harder and i said "fuck you nesya, fuck you" and thats pretty much what happened. she said she was sorry and i said it was okay but im totally not over it. she really hurt my feelings and mostly she talked bad about my boyfriend infront of me! fucker! anyway i have to type up my midterm for english and send it to my teacher. sorry about the rant i needed it.

alive [13 Oct 2005|08:08am] [ mood | sick ] IM ALIVE! i know it took me forever to update but i have been hella sick. California was fun. i got this really badass coat. from guess. lol. i dont even care that its from guess i care that its PINK! to be totally honest i really dont feel like updating. ever since i got back i have been sick. cali's weather is totally different than here and im pretty sure thats what got me sick. this is the worse update ever and i know that. i just dont feel like updating. my ears are popping, im running to the potty every 10 minutes, i hate throwing up, coughing all the good stuff. and even when i take meds, my ears still pop and im still runnin to the potty. i can only drink sprite b/c anything else i will throw up (learned that the hard way this morning) and to top it all off i got michael sick too. i told him not to kiss me. grr thats it im done.

weekend! yay! [06 Oct 2005|09:56am] [ mood | happy ] So last night michael and i went to the scuba class they offer at night here. we went and played around and he taught me what i had missed. it was a lot of fun actually way better then the class we have today. not because of the people but in the night class there are like 7 people which is nice when you are confined to a pool and dont have much room. but in my class today there are like 24 people. its crazy how many people are in that class. i am hoping that not alot of people are going to be there today because IT IS FINALLY COLD IN TEXAS. i mean who knows how long it will last -being texas and all- but for the time being i am super happy about it. tonight is Alias. i love alias but i think after this season its going to be cancelled. i dont want it too of course i still love the show. but some people dont. she got pregnant. and it messed everything up. anyway michael and i are coming to my place tonight to watch alias and so that i can pack. marla and i are kinda packing together. its just easier to only bring one blow dryer instead of two ya know? anyway we are going to figure out that stuff. tomorrow i leave to go to California. my grandparents are taking me and marla to see the King Tut thing. its going to be so much fun. im really excited and then not at the same time. i know its stupid but i dont want to leave michael. i have never left him before. like when we first met the only time i had something going on where i had to leave he did too. and then he left to go to virgina or something for 4 days and left me. but i have never left him. it makes me sad. BUT i know that he will be there when i get back. and it will be his birthday and then we are going to go and get wonderful food and celebrate his 22 b-day. so this might and probably will be my last update until tuesday (maybe monday but probably tuesday) saying that i hope everyone has a nice safe weekend and a fun one of course. :)

loser [05 Oct 2005|10:18am] [ mood | stressed ] i know i know i am a loser. i have not updated in like 17days. i have just been so freakin busy its crazy. this last weekend i had classes all weekend and on saturday i got to spend the night cramming for my logic test. which i think i did pretty good on. then on monday i had to start on my History of the christian church paper which should have been done weeks ago. so i get online to look up what i have to read and it is insane. this teacher is crazy. he thinks that since all his dr. work and thesis and shit is over this info we should know it too. b/c i guess he sees it as important. anyway, so yesterday michael took off work so he could work on his humanitites portfolio and i studied all day for my test (that was today) and wrote my papers. i felt pretty good about my test and thought i was going to do great on it. i get in class today and the test is fucking hard. i mean i wrote down and studied everything (that i could find) that he told us to study and i get in there and i only know 1 essay. 1. not 2 no 1. out of 4 which sucked. A. b/c i didnt know the info SO MUCH that i couldnt even BfuckingS my way though it. this guy is so difficult. he tells you this is going ot be on the test and then you get it and its so different. GRRRRRRR. i cant afford to drop this class. i cant drop this class lets just put it that way. and now i might have too. grrrr. anyway enough of that. today i am going to super target with my mama. we are going to be getting stuff for my trip this weekend. fun fun. i am so over that class. i cant do anything about it at this moment. so fuck it. today is michael and my 11 month anni. we are not doing anything special, we are going to go to the scuba class tonight so i cant get "caught up" but really we are jsut going to mess around lol. shit its like 10:30 i gotta go. anyway thats my life right now. great except that one fucking mother fucking fuck shit hoe of a class. pardon my horrible lang. here. and forgive me for making easy words short. (ex. lang.) i dont feel like typing them out. gotta go.

NEED HELP! [30 Sep 2005|01:05pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Mia's bell ] i had the worst day today. i have been off and on crying for the past like 4 hours. i weighed(SP) myself today and i have lost 6 1/2 pounds. yay go me. today has just sucked complete ass and this weekend is not going to be any better. okay i wanna make a new LJ and i dont know what the name should be....help me pick a name its not that im a really that sick of my current name - i just think i am ready for something new. i have thought more about my current situation and i have realized that even though i feel really crazy right now i can get all the work done that i need too. i have done it before. its just tests i hate tests and i dont know why i have to fucking take them i hate them. its like you already have to pay attention in class, take notes so you dont upset the teacher, do all this homework and 10 page papers and shit so that they know you have grasped the information and you still have to take tests. i think this should be a test free country! i vote for test free! its like i have worked my entire life in school and now im in college dont they think that if im smart enough to make it into college and am actually willing to pay money to learn that i am actually going to get something out of it and you dont need to bother with your stupid test. i mean shit people are paying thousands of dollars to learn. i dont think tests are that important. if we didnt want to be there we wouldnt be. sorry about the rant -- i dont even know if it makes any sense but it has made me feel better to vent about it. anyway. im going ot go make some pasta and then do some homework. grr. DONT FORGET ABOUT MY NEW LJ NAME!!!!

cold season kinda starts [29 Sep 2005|08:05am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | hands down -DC ] i woke up this morning to the sound of michaels alarm clock. around 6:15 i roll out of bed because i have to pee. and when i return to bed Mia jumps up and puts her small body on my arm and sticks her head behind mine. she is the sweetest little thing. not being able to sleep i just stayed there so listened to her purr. she is so fucking cute. anyway. my arm is so messed up. still. it hurts from my wrist all the way to the back of my back to my spine and then all the way up to my neck. michael says its a pinched nerve. and i think he is right it hurts. today at scuba im going to tell them i cant do the water work. my arm hurts so much and i dont think it would be a good idea to put a huge scuba tank on it. michael said that he would work with me on the side to show me what i missed so its not that big of a deal. went on a 200 dollar shopping spree yesterday. been a while since i have had that amount of money lol. but i got a lot of really cute things at old navy and a couple of pairs of shoes from there too. all cute. i really needed some new pieces in my selection. i really need to get rid of some clothes. i have alot that i dont ever wear. michael and i are going to be hillbillies for Halloween. its going to be great. im going to look good. nothing compares to the way i looked last year though. shit  i looked hott. PICTURES--- michael and mia me last halloween MIA!!!! those are just some pictures to make your day better. lol. isnt mia the cutest thing!!!! well i have to work out now and stuff. peace

another day [26 Sep 2005|02:15pm] [ mood | mellow ] today i got up and ate breakfast with michael and then went to class. i got my test back in history of the church and i didnt do as well as i thought i was going to. o'well it will all be okay i can bring it up. im really not that worried about it i have A's on everything else in that class. it has been awhile since i last updated and i cant even remember where i left off. basically what has been going on is the same stuff. nothing really new. only new thing is that i think that i have lost a few pounds. i mean i have been working out at least 3 times a week. most of the time more. but i really didnt notice anything then i really started to eat right and then all of the sudden i look skinner. its great. michael and i are going to go and see 'flight plan' with Jodi Foster tonight with my mom and dad. it will be fun. my dad will get us some snacks so that will be fun. my grandmother is going to give me her credit card so that i can go shopping for new clothes for the trip! i am so excited. and i dont have to go shopping with anyone if i dont want to! and i love that. i usually dont get a kick out of shopping BUT shopping with money is always fun. lol. im not going ot go crazy lol. although i wish i could. but my grandma said that she wants me to get what i want. she is so great. i love her. anyway...once i get the card im going to go to old navy and get some really cute new things. YAY for new clothes! and are they ever so needed. i have like 2 pairs of jeans (both are too big for me) and i think i have may be 6 shirts that i really like and i have 1 skirt. thats it. i mean i have clothes i just dont like any of them anymore. lol. michael is at work right now and im a bored. there is nothing to do. i think i am going to start on michaels ONE YEAR gift. he's going to love it! mia is sitting in the sink.

no english [23 Sep 2005|09:09am] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | moms voice ] yay for no english today. boo on the fact that i forgot that and missed wednesday. o'well whatever. the attendence policy here is so stupid. we play like shit loads of money to go here and go to your classes. i think that we should be able to show up whenever. anyway. yay for friday too. lol. Hurricane Rita is really fucking everything up. i feel ike we are about to be in 'the day after tomorrow' i mean that is totally crazy. gas prices are suppose to get up to at least 5 dollars! thats horrible. im not going to be able to go any where i am just going to have to stay put and never leave. and i just read that in Wilber(??) Texas that a bus load of older people who where leaving to go to a safer place, well the bus caught fire and most of them dies at least 24 of them. i really feel bad for those people who fled from Katrina and now they have to run again. moving on. my one class today was okay. kind of boring. got an assignment that i totally dont want to do. but its not due till our next exam so i should have plenty of time to work on it. michael wants to have a couple of his KA guys over tonight. i sometimes really hate that. i am always the only girl and all they talk about is KA but they talk about it all like in code b/c since i have breasts and a vagina i cant hear what they have to say. i just get really bored sitting there listening to them talk about KA in a round about way. thank god for the weekend. i never thought that it would come. this week has been the slowest week of my life and it seems that everything that could happen in my life happened this week. i had to figure everything out with my doctor and switching doctors so that i dont have to drive all the way to grand prairie to go to the doctor. anyway lets just say that it took about a week for them (old doctor) to send (new doctor) a frickin one page fax fuckers. mom isnt driving me too crazy. she is really hung up on my graduation. she is convinced that there is no way that i can graduate next may (not thia one coming up but the next) and shes mad at me about it because she said she will in no way pay for me to be in college for more than 4 years (or she makes me feel like that) so basically i had to explain to her my entire plan for the rest of school before she would belive me. shes crazy. so im not going to go the graduating early thing. i really want to but there is really no point b/c im not going to have a job either way (like job job) and my last semester all i have to take are electives. so i will just graduate in may. michael wants to graduate then too but he has a tuition waver so he can go slower than me. well i got to go mom is calling. peace

horrible student [22 Sep 2005|08:14am] [ mood | busy ] [ music | the little mermaid ] i hate it that i can be such a horrible student. my head hurts and i had a sick moment this morning. so im not going to go to scubs. i know i know im horrible. and i cant miss scuba again. thats okay i'll deal. i can always make it and if for some reason i dont wanna swim they totally dont care. anyway. michael and i hung out here and my place last night. we watched CNN and saw the airplane land without a front wheel. and we watched alot about the Hurricane. his bother in Houston has already been evacuated to austin. weather is so scary. it is one of those things that we can predicit and yet we are never prepared. so many live were lost in katrina and that was horrible. i just think our "goverment" needs to step it up. in other news. other then not feeling good today and not wating to go to class, school it pretty good. i got my first paper back and i got an A which is good b/c i took a test in that same class and i thought i did okay but im nervous that i didnt. but that a on my paper will help. i have no idea what to do. i can totally graduate early but i dont know if i wanna go through all the work to do it. i will have to take like 9 hours over the summer. which i have done before i did it at mountain view so that i could get in to here. so it wouldnt be that bad. but what am i going ot do if i graduate early? move in with mike and then what? its going to be so fucking weird. life is flying by so damn fast i cant belive it. even if i dont graduate early after this school year only one more and i will be moving in with michael. its so weird that i am going to be moving in with my boyfriend. maybe fiance by then. who knows. i cant wait for that part of my life. i really hope that by then by the time that i am moving in with michael my mom will be off my back. i know why its so bad right now. she is paying for my school (even though she didnt pay for this semester) anyway she pays for my school and since right now i dont have a job (which i need one really bad) i dont have any money. so i am poor. and i dont ask her for money but if i need something like really need it i have to call her and ask for money and i hate to do that. i hate it because 1. i really hate to have to borrow money 2. as long as im under her money she sees me as under her rule. #2 is the main thing though. i have so much homework its not even funny. and i plan on doing alot of it today. i have to start and almost finish my humanities porfolio, i have to do my logic homework and then get going on the review for the test and then study and for english i have to read for class and then read this book and start writing my 10-12 page paper. i really cant wait for school to be over. thats why i think i should graduate early. what should i do? well now i have to work out, try and figure out my classes for the rest of school. and then start my homework. FRIENDS CUT. i only have 2 people that comment in my journal now. so if you wanna stay please comment saying that you do. i have like 36 friends and i was gone so long that none of them read me anymore. lol. anyway comment if you wanna stay. might update later

crazy thing called love [18 Sep 2005|07:32pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | sound of mia licking herself ] hello everyone. sorry i have not updated it a while life has been super busy. on friday i had my first test of the semester and i think i got about a B. i always do a little worse on the first test by the teacher b/c  i dont know their style yet. anyway i think i did okay on it. then after that i went to english and was bored out of my mind.i tried to pay attention but it was just way too hard. after class i met michael outside and we had a smoke break together. it was nice. then i went up to my room and waited for michael to get done with classes. i took a short nap after cleaing my room then he called and we went to his house. while there i unfortunatly got stuck with party duites. meaning i had to take me and neysa to target (by the parks mall i might add, a good 20 minutes futher away then the one closest to us. but we had to go to that one) anyway we went to target to get jello (for the shots) and tiki torches (that were on sale for 2.28 a 4 pack). then we had to go to the dollar store and liquor store. i went ot the dollar store and neysa went to get the liquor. while in the dollar store i bought 3 things of tiki torch fuel and a cute little apple ash tray. then neysa and i came back here and made 90 strong ass jello shots. 1 full bottle of everclear and more than half of another. it was bad ass. you could not even smell that shit without your nose burning. then after that michael came home with my beer and his beer from central market and everyone started to set up for the party like hard core. by the time we were done everything looked badass. the back yard has pretty Christmas light all over it and there are like 20 tiki torches. there is a cute little patio area with a table and then a path that goes down to another sitting area where we put a lot of lights and chairs and we make a bg pit for the fire. around 10 everyone started to show up. there were a lot of people here at least 50-60 and thats alot for this house let me tell you. lol. we all just hung out, smoked, drank, played dominoes and danced. it was really really fun. around 4 everyone left so we all went to bed. i woke up the next day at 1:10 and realized that i was already 10 minutes late for class and by the time i got up there it would be an hour so i just picked to skip instead. i wrote my teacher an email and told her i was sick. and she wrote me back and told me that it was cool and gave me the assignments so its all cool. then michael and i went to the KA Big Night Dinner. it was really good food and a nice little speech. then michael and i come back here and chilled and watched tv. today i woke up at like 7:30 so that i could finish all the homework i had to do before class today. i know im crazy for taking weekend classes. trust me it was not what i really wanted to do. it so crazy that in like a few short weeks i am going to be going to the great california to see the great King Tut. i am so excited i can not wait. i come back on michaels 22 birthday and i have no idea what i am going to do for him i have no money so i think i am just going ot do something special like make him dinner and stuff. he would like that. he still wont tell me what we are going to do for our 1 year. he said that its something that we can both do and enjoy. and the first thing that came to my head was sex. but he laughed and said that it cost money. so that rules that out lol. anyway he wont tell me and i really really wanna know really bad. lol. anyway. im getting just a little hungry so im going to make me something wonderful to eat! :)

my lovely lady lumps [15 Sep 2005|09:30am] [ mood | grateful ] [ music | black eye peas ] quick update because im not sure when im going to be able to get the time today. michael and i stayed at my place last night. its so nice just to wake up and be at school. anyway. he had to get up at like 6 to do homework. and of course it woke me up a little bit. then he woke me up at 7:30 so that i could go and have breakfast with him. and now im sitting here waiting for Scuba to start. yesterday's dinner with parents wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be. my mom brought me a bag with goodies. like a scrubbie and my BC pills. and 20 dollars and a 14 dollar gift card she got for free at target. then later on that night my dad gave me all the ones he had. it was really nice. b/c i am super broke and had no money to go and get food for the house. so after dinner michael and i went to Super Target so that i could shop for veggies and such. then i got a new KITTY purse (well its really a trick or treat bag, but i can use it for both!) and michael bought me this cute 5 dollar shirt there that has a little kitty on it. im going to wear it on the 1st day of october! yay! and im going to use my halloween purse all month. you have to have halloween spirit its like the best holiday ever! then michael and i went back to the house hung out with neysa and started to fix up the back yard for the party tomorrow. we also bought 4 new tiki torches for the back yard. they were on sale at target for 2.48 for 4 of them. it was such a good deal and its going to make the backyard nice a pretty for the party. :) i have a 2:15 doctors appointment today and i had to do everything in my power to make my mom not go. why does she feel like im not old enough to tell the doctor why im there. everytime i go to the doctor she give me the same speech "now sarah, be honest with him. dont just sit there and say that your arm hurts every once and a while you need to be honest with him and tell him the truth......." and she basically says that over and over but in different ways. what the hell does she think im going to do when im there?!?!? say that im not in any pain at all and i dont even know why im there? hell no im not going to say that. im the one who made the appointment. i mean come on. i just wish i could get her to know that i am okay with going to the damn doctor by myself. today michael has Bid Night. so basically he will come home at 5:30 and then have to leave right away and wont be back untill like 11. i really hate it but its probably a good thing. b/c i have my first test of the semester tomorrow and i know that if he was around i would not study and i really should. must go. today is going to drag on forever.

dinner with the folks [14 Sep 2005|04:04pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | wonderboy -tenacious D ] so i just got back from Dallas with michael. wasnt too bad of a ride. the past few times we have gone the traffic has been horrible. but there was no traffic today. i have to go and eat with my parents at 6:30 today. grrrr. its like i want to so i can see my dad but my mom always drvies me crazy. she always says something to michael that makes me want to slap her. she will talk about his bad drving and how he needs to do better b/c im her baby girl and he needs to take care of me. grrrrrr. she gets on my nerves. its like she cant just butt out of one part of my life she has to know everything. i know that marla tells her lots about her relationship with Adam but i dont i dont like to. im sorry and i dont like it that she makes me feel bad for not wanting to tell her. she always asks if we are fighting. michael and i never fight and when we do i dont tell her about it. its like she asks all the questions that i dont want to answer. and she says stuff to try and get me to think like her. in her crazy crazy mind. she says bad stuff about my boyfriend and then wants me to agree with her. she just drives me so insane i cant even tell you. so she calls me today like 5 times and im in class or in the shower not hearing it. then when i finally check my phone to see if i had any calls i see "4 missed calls" and i know that they are all from my mother. and they were. so i call her back and she tells me that we had talked about me coming over today. which we NEVER talked about i dont care what she says i would have remembered because i would have not been very excited about it. anyway she says that i said i was going ot come over but i tell her that i cant because i already told michael that i would go to Dallas with him. so we hang up like 10 mintues after that still talking about the same thing. and i basically have to hurt her feelings by getting off the phone with her. im sorry that i have a life now. but i do and she cant get over that. so like 10 mintues *not even* after we hang up she calls and i miss it. so she calls AGAIN before i have time to call her back and says that we have to do dinner tonight with her and daddy and michael is invited. what can i say? michael and i are both broke how can i turn down a free dinner? she michael and i are stuck going to dinner with my parents. and its not my dad. its just my mom. hopefully after dinner *which i hope is not very long* michael and i are going to go and get my Scuba goggles! so excited am i. :) i love scuba class. and its the only one i have on tuesdays and thursdays. YAY! okay now i majoring need to do some kind of homework. HAHA! yeah right.

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